Сидя у компа в 2 ночи у своей горячо любимой подруги, я вдруг подумала, а почему бы не поговорить о дружбе? Что понимаем мы под дружбой? Мы говорим - дружим, подразумеваем.... Итак, что же мы подразумеваем??? Основу дружбы, на мой взгляд, составляет бескорыстие. На нее по нарастающей - внимание, отзывчивость, поддержка, понимание, ответственность, критика. Почему же реально так трудно дружить? Быть может мы боимся или не хотим обременять себя, как нам кажется, лишним грузом чужих проблем, чужого счастья..? Но ведь проблемы друга - это часть твоей жизни, его радости - это тоже ее составляющая. Если ты принимаешь человека, ты принимаешь его груз, его заморочки, его сопли. Тебе в радость помочь ему и разделить с ним приятное. Ты можешь позвонить ему в час ночи поплакаться на судьбу или же поделиться хорошим. Главное, ты знаешь, тебя поймут, тебя простят, тебя поддержут. Тебе не нужно объясняться по каждому поводу. И если тебе захочется побыть в одиночестве, друг поймет. Это такой же тыл, как семья. Иногда с друзьями ты проводишь больше времени, чем с родными. А ведь они и есть твои родные. Твоя вторая семья. Твое желание помочь или просто быть рядом должно идти от сердца. Тогда это и есть та самая сердечная дружба. Дружбой надобно дорожить. Зачастую дружба в жизни важнее любви. Любовь проходит, настоящая дружба нет. Лично я считаю себя счастливым человеком, потому что с уверенностью могу заявить, что настоящие друзья у меня есть. Это мое пристанище, моя исповедальня, мое утешение, моя радость. И пусть не клеится личная жизнь, надоедают проблемы на работе, а иногда накрывает депрессия. Я все переживу. Я точно знаю, что мои друзья со мной. Они сильные, они светлые, они искренние. И рядом с ними я становлюсь чище, ярче, смелее. Спасибо Вам, мои любимые, за то, что вы есть у меня!
At last I’ve found u – happy day
But couldn’t any longer stay
‘Cause u were not u seemed to be
My hero, man, my sweet, my dream.
And felt like boat in a storm
My helpless oars just hung on
And saw no beacon in the dark
No flash, no stars, no moon, no spark
I was alone carried away
By cruel strong and heavy waves
And solitude turned up to be
The only friend beside me.
*****
Like sunny lovely blooming garden
I grew and all grew up with me
But feeling captured me so sudden
Nothing behind it could I see
And I grew up, oh lovely garden
So pretty, silly and so young
And never thought that I could harden
Until I was so rudely stung
My flowers faded lonely, sad
Again will never garden bloom
And all the beauty that it had
Was lost forever in the gloom.
La soledad.
My solitude, my loneliness, my sister
In gloomy silence sitting near me
And in my soul and heart I see u glisten
A single whole we turned up to be
I am not afraid nor trying to avoid u
U make me calm and fill me up inside
Like healer u sometimes cure
And shelter me when late at night
So u and me engaged forever
Connected with elusive ties
Along the life we walk together
My sister, Soledad, and I
I wonder for how long it is going to continue, why am I so foolish, so unlucky. I don’t understand actually what the hell is going on? Feel like a prize idiot, a teen, whose expectations are always failed to come true. That’s annoying, not fair as for me. Well, talking about justice, everyone thinks it is when they get what they want. When will I get what I want, what I deserve, what I ought to have. Maybe now I have all this but I just can’t realize that this is all I deserve and the biggest problem of mine is TO REALISE THIS FACT! Maybe no need to hope the situation will improve. Maybe somehow I failed to notice the improvement. Well, actually, I won’t say I am so bad sometimes. But sometimes it is unbearable. I am always in the same situation with the same type of guys. And it’s completely my fault, ‘cause I have to respect myself, I mustn’t let sb treat me like a rubbish. That’s it, that’s the key element, but I also have to REALISE THIS FACT! Interesting to know how long it will take me to realize this. Maybe all my life and still I won’t be able to realize it. But I am sure about what I should start from is self-respect. Yep, self-respect. Do u see what I mean? Yep, I hope u see and I wish I would see. Coming to the conclusion that all men are f…ing asses u need to get accustomed to the idea that unfortunately u won’t be able to find a decent person, I mean the one, who really deserves u. The problem is that the portrait of this decent man looks like this: handsome like Jude Law (my favourite one))) rich like Rotshield , clever and talented like Oscar Wilde, etc. Oh, by the way he must adore u, predict ur every wish, make all ur wishes come true. Sometimes I just want to get blind drunk not to understand that these are dreams, which hardly can come true. So just should stop dreaming.
Sometimes I think what has happened to us? Is it possible to become strangers after years of such hand in hand. And is it worth of regret? Maybe all this emotional experience is nothing but our fantasy. Maybe we like to feel ourselves unhappy. So we build castles in the sky. We don't know for sure and we don't want to know what it is. Is it something real or something we would like to have, something we are lack in, something we would like to imagine cause we miss it in real life? And I ask myself what it was. If there was at least any spark between us how it managed to vanish and we didn't notice it, being too concerned about our invented passion and feelings. Before we couldn't breathe separately and then started ignoring and hiding from each other like strangers, like thieves in the night. What is it? Is it so romantic? Or is it love? And why does it usually have the same end? Everything starts perfectly and ends awfully. The same scenario, everywhere, always. At least with me. Why U turn ur back when a person gives u attention and care and love? Do u start to take it for granted? Is it so difficult to say I love u or I don't? I want to be with u or have no desire to do it? U say I love u and u are so indifferent sometimes that I can hardly understand such love. Ok, sometimes we want to stay alone, to think, just to get calm, after some romantic period, it becomes a tradition, normal way of life. And here it's important to understand if it was real love or just a flame. But how to understand it? That's the point. Sometimes it's easy to take flame for something more. To believe that's it, I have been waiting for it all my life. But oops, no, it wasn't it. First I can't say what I am waiting for, whom I am waiting for. Sure, sometimes I draw a picture of my ideal man, ideal, lover, ideal hero, ideal husband, but, but, but I am not a little girl and understand there are no ideal men. So U look for smb alike, so to speak. At last u will fall in love with some bastard (sure, u will know about it very late) and again it goes. U start thinking that no luck in love, at least for u (I mean myself). And again the problem what to do, where to go, when I will be happy, when I get my ideal man, whom I am worth of. U say f… and starts a brand new day with this constant pain in ur heart, ur mind, ur body. So, here two variants are possible in my opinion. U start replace these bastards by other bastards (not the right way, I think). Or u start waiting for this superman, who is late a LITTLE bit (partly the roots of depression are here).Don't know what to do if both these variants aren't suitable. And they are not, I guess. So, anybody help me. It looks like I can't deal with my life, my happiness. Want to be as happy as a sand boy. Oh, God, let's think what can be done here. But for sure no cool reflections will help. When u see the bastard u forget all the pain, he caused u. Maybe that's it, the pain u get from each experience. This feeling of being alive…
Now I'm listening to my dear Franky, his timeless songs. Srange in such moments I can be what I am, usually I play. Play different roles, parts. Oh, yep, life is like a season, like a cycle. I like it "life is meant for living". What to do, keep on hoping sth will change or just give it up, pay no attention. But U need this attention so much, damn it. What to do then? This bloody attention that every woman needs. We used to love each other. What am I writing??? Don't know what I am doing, thinking about. F... it, f... it, f... it.
Actually, didn't want to be that rude, but life makes me behave like this or maybe it's me who makes it. Talking about love. What is love actually? I'd put it like this:
A kind of emotional state, during which u feel wonderful, splendid, yahoo, but the main thing is that u are absolutely BLIND and STUPID. `Cause u don't want to notice any unpleasant details of ur partner, and u'd rather do.
I wonder how many men and women are in the same situation and they continue getting in this situation and are not likely to stop. They suffer but they don't stop.
Therefore, the conclusion is that they enjoy it.