Jokes in English

[Mistrella]

You can also listen to these jokes in the attached mp3 files

Good News & Bad News

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.

The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."

The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."

The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."

The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"

The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yester-"

The Frog & The Engineer

An engineer was taking a walk when a frog spoke to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I'll become your girlfriend."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

The frog spoke again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll become your wife."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket again, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog said, "What is the matter? I'm a beautiful princess. Why won`t you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm a busy engineer. I don`t have time for a girlfriend or a wife, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Love & Marriage

People often enjoy joking about love and marriage.

Here is a joke about the first three years of marriage.

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.

In the second year of marriage, the woman speaks and the man listens.

In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Here's another joke about marriage.

A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."

The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Now let's listen to a couple of riddles about marriage.

Here's the first one.

Q: Why are men with pierced ears better suited for marriage?

A: Because they have suffered and bought jewelry.

Here's another riddle.

Q: What are the 3 important rings in life?

A: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

I'll end today's podcast with a humorous proverb-like saying.

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

3 Restaurants

There were three restauraunts on the same block. One day one of them put up a sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the City."

The next day, the largest restaurant on the block put up a larger sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the World."

On the third day, the smallest restaurant put up a small sign which said "The Best Restaurant on this Block."

Telephone

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.

"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"

"Wrong number," replied the girl.

Doctor Jokes

The patient says, "Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea."

The doctor says, "Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink."

mug = cup

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The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.

The doctor says, "Next, please."

Boy or Girl

A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?

B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.

A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.

B: I'm not. I'm her mother.

Joke1.mp3

joke2.mp3

joke3.mp3

joke4.mp3

joke_5.mp3

jokes6.mp3

joke7.mp3

[Dead Morrozz]

Еxcellent